Mohamed Salah has revealed he is “devastated” at missing out on Champions League football and says Liverpool have no excuse for failing to claim a top-four finish.
Manchester United’s 4-1 win over Chelsea on Thursday night meant Liverpool’s slim hopes of a Champions League place were extinguished after a disappointing season. Jürgen Klopp’s side have paid the price for failing to bring in midfield reinforcements during the summer and it was only their current 10-match unbeaten run – including a sequence of seven victories – which gave them a remote chance of qualifying for Europe’s elite club competition.
But their participation in the Europa League, the first time Klopp has not made the top four in…
Oh! It’s you! My dearest, most refined holiday compatriot! My apologies, I didn’t see you were at the door. [Puts down snifter] [Gets up from satin armchair] Come in, come in! I was just sitting by the fire, partaking of my nightly dram of Harveys Bristol Cream and reading fine George Eliot novels. What can I say? It’s my guilty pleasure. A ha! A ha a ha a ha a ha a HA! My friend, you look pale. Are you all right? I hope the sight of my houseservant, Mrs. Barker, staring hauntingly at you from the upstairs window as you came up the driveway didn’t frighten you. She’s really quite lovely. We like to think of her as part of the family. Perhaps you’re worn down by your travels. Or, perhaps you’re frazzled by the fact that you now live in a surrealist dystopia where a cab…
Are you wondering what to get the beloved boozebags in your life? I bet you're not, right? You're just going to give them all bottles of randomly selected $30 brown liquor, or maybe those stupid little chocolates stuffed with a quarter-squirt of skanky schnapps, or the first gin-and-martini-glasses boxed set you see at the liquor store on your last-minute trip to make sure there's enough Bailey's for grandma's coffee.
Come on, don't be like that. Has it ever occurred to you that maybe the alcholophiles in your life would have a broader range of interests if only they had a little more reason to believe in their fellow man's good intentions? Show them you care this year, and maybe by this time next year they'll be fully evolved humans capable …